Scene 1: It’s your annual vacation. You have been waiting for months for this. The whole family is brimming with excitement. The first few days are blissful. Everything’s going as per script. Then something trivial starts to stoke an old fire. Provoked by an innocuous line or word spoken by somebody (who only meant well), your mind starts to prise open old, unsavoury memories. Soon, you are boiling inside and only a spark is needed to set off the fuse. Unwittingly, somebody provides that spark and tempers flare up. Hurtful words are exchanged. Old, unsettled issues are brought back to the table. There is no resolution as both of you consider yourselves to be the ‘victim’. Your dream vacation comes crashing down onto the rocks of perceived injustice from the past. You return home without speaking a word. The kids wonder what went wrong. How did a perfectly wonderful vacation end up like this? No answers, right?
Scene 2: You have landed that dream job with one of the best employers in the world. Years of hardwork, months of preparation and countless disappointments later, you are at the threshold of something great. Your eyes are twinkling with excitement and enthusiasm. You want to give it all you got. A few months into your new role and the fairy tale starts to turn sour. It’s as if you can do nothing right. The negative vibes are so strong, you can strum it with your fingers. Your co-workers are at each other’s throats. By the time you reach your desk in the morning, things seem to be already spiralling out of control and you have neither the energy nor the will to cope. You are a bundle of nerves, just waiting for some divine intervention to salvage your reputation. You have put in your best, yet nothing seems to be going right. What happened? What went wrong? No answers, right?
Scene 3: As a tiger mom (or dad), you never held small dreams for your child. But the boy (or girl) who always showed signs of genius is not quite measuring up to be one of late. The burden of expectations has turned you into an eternal critic, always shooting barbs, comparing his (or her) progress with what ‘could have been’. Slowly the bridges of communication have all but gotten washed away in the sea of criticism and negativity. You live under the same roof but on different planets. The graph that looked like it will break through the ceiling is now headed south in a vicious spiral. Belligerence & frustration replace optimism and enthusiasm. What happened to the bright spark who was always a high achiever? You did everything you could, yet what went wrong? No answers, right?
If you have been upstaged by events like these, it is time to seek help. Most of us don’t. We are okay with our less-than-perfect personal & professional lives. We talk to our friends and are happy to learn that beneath the veneer of happiness and contentment, everybody is suffering these setbacks in some aspect of their relationships or other. Be it in their married lives, professional space or in dealing with our most valued assets – our children, everyone is settling for less. That seems to be the norm.
Sadly, the biggest casualty in such episodes is an invaluable resource called TIME
We all come to this planet with different sizes of that hourglass; everyone has only a finite number of seconds. Every moment can be lived in ecstasy, every minute can be savoured with those whom you love, every day at work can be a breakthrough. Yet, we grow up believing the exact opposite. That happiness is only a mirage. That the cycle of good & bad is inevitable and preordained. That mediocre relationships at home and workplace are par for course. Trapped in this vicious cycle of self-fulfilling prophesies, we continue to squander away day after precious day, each negative transaction further cementing the tomb of our marriage or a successful career. Or those of your children.
The good news is that it needn’t be so. Help is available. It’s all there locked up in your mind. It only needs a key to unlock. Just as your muscles need toning and your body needs exercise to put it on a healthy track, that invisible yet infinitely powerful entity called ‘mind’ needs its own tonic and therapy to get rid of shackles and reach its true potential. And when set free, it unleashes possibilities that are unbelievable and magical.
When you purge yourself of toxins from the past, it changes the way you perceive life and those around you
Now, the question really is whether you want to take your relationships to that level or are you OK just ambling along, avoiding minefields from your past; just trying to maintain a façade of normalcy while tripping on every small obstacle, each breakdown driving that wedge deeper into your relationship. Eventually, everything adds up and all you are left with are bad memories and relationships that are only superficial at best. What started as a happy marriage, a dream job or a bright future now lies in tatters. Another statistic, another life lived way below its potential.
For those of you who feel the above narrative hits close home, Dreyvan & Chaandnna believe they can make a difference. I have known them for over two decades and their ability to cut through the complexities of relationships and reach core issues is prodigal. I have often gone to them with raging storms in my mind and come back with a calmness and objectivity that I never believed existed. Their home in Bangalore (which doubles up as an ‘educated rock’ for Madhuri & me) has always been an oasis of enlightenment when our lives were parched with emotional turmoil. Serendipitously, their prodigious talent (and infinite patience) for solving emotional jigsaw puzzles and empowering relationships is now embodied in their start-up ‘Inner Legend’.
Don’t wait for divine intervention. Don’t even wait for the next weekend. Life is far too precious. Don’t lose a single day in picking up the pieces and rebuilding your relationships. Pick up the phone now. Talk to Dreyvan & Chaandnna. You will come away a winner. Life will never be the same again.
Visit Inner Legend for more.
Image Courtesy: Akash Pisharody. Location: Drumla, Coonoor, The Nilgiris